Women, Work and Identity

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     I have always wondered how the gen-next is going to handle the issues of family , work and gender-equality. About 25 years back, women still had an honorable, socially acceptable designation as ‘housewife’ or home maker’.  Today, even if they call it ‘CEO , Home Inc”, there would be no takers for the title. 

       Women do need an identity, outside their home, just as men have always needed. Even in my 32nd year of service, I can’t say enough is enough. I keep hearing  “What do you plan to do for a second career. ?”

        Read a book, 'When Work Doesn't Work Anymore' by Elizabeth Perle Mckenna. This book was written in 1997, but is just right for the social scenario in India today. It is about a successful career woman, who after 20 years of relentless pursuit of success on ‘man’s terms’ realizes there was  something missing in her life despite achieving everyone of  the goals she set for herself in personal and professional sphere. She still liked her work alright, had what she calls 'rock solid marriage'; yet this was not what she had thought her life would be like.

Just as the title is, there are a number of interesting oneliners  to describe the situation of women today.  

Some examples:

“ women soon realized, going to work involved having to work” 

“without the privileges or good financial rewards, work was just that - work.”

“ and worse, women are faulting themselves for not being enough of what they don’t even want to be”

“she has arrived at what she calls her ‘something gotta give period’ which means either her career or her personal life is going to get smaller for the good of the other”

     The author narrates the stories of women with similar predicaments, to illustrate each point she makes. Then there is a liberal dose of Gloria Steinem (GS) Quotes to add weight to her case.

        Today, women have entered every field, well, almost every field, and have tasted success in every field they have ventured into. But after, working for 20-30 years, in a man’s world , playing by the rules set by men, there is a kind of emptiness. There is a  perceived sense of failure, which is best expressed in the words of  GS, " If you meet a woman who's doing wonderfully well professionally, doing great creative things and is completely happy with her work, but does not have the personal life she thinks she should have, she may think she is a failure. Men are the reverse. They can have great personal lives, and think they are failures if they don't have the job success they think they are supposed to have."

      Another GS Quote from the book ' The working world remains a place built for men with full time wives to take care of the rest of the life'. In the present times men are also equally handicapped to succeed in such a working world. Talking of full time wives, the Indian scene is indeed quite confusing. There are housewives/home makers, ladies and  working women who may be categorized as full time wives, part-time wives or of any shade in a broad spectrum.

      Years ago, I saw a hand bill  inviting 'housewives, working women, and ladies ' to join a computer training course. After some deliberation, I translated 'housewives, working women and ladies' to mean 'women who work only at home, women who could work also at home and women who wouldn't work even at home'

         The last category is possible in India , thanks to affordable domestic help. That is where the 'CEO, Home Inc.' steps in.


Recently I read an indian version of similar ideas in HT http://www.hindustantimes.com/Kamla-comes-home/Article1-719214.aspx

        The book is a good read for any woman looking to balance work life and personal life. Another quote from GS " I still get young women in audiences, asking,'How can I combine career and family?' I always tell them, 'you can't until men are asking that question too '." Well, men  will start asking such questions , if only they are allowed to go easy on their work life, by the society, family and themselves.

     For whatever reason, men haven't made much progress in work-family balance. At best you have the cooperative husband who is prepared to put up with cold dinners or even no dinner, cheerfully. Don't expect him to cook or wash for the whole family. On the other side is the prickly type (no pun intended) who simply cannot accept any situation where the woman is not at home.

         Let's say, one has decided on how much to give to one's career, still there is a need to decide the time line. There are two schools of thought; one is to first establish yourself in your work place and then raise a family. The other is to take a break, complete your family and then get back to the rat race .

           Unfortunately, a woman's most productive years coincide with her reproductive years as well. Oh God ! isn't there any easy decisions at all in life?